Creature of Habit

I am a creature of habit. No, that is not quite true. I am just so averse to change that I fall into habits in an effort to hide from change and the unknown that is coupled with it. I am the kind of person that is completely thrown off EVERY single September, January, and May because life changes. Even something as simple as returning to school can throw me for a loop that will inevitably drive me, my roommates, and my mother crazy (since they are the ones who usually have to listen to me rant). That being said, I continue to marvel at the fact that I enjoy throwing myself into these adventures abroad. EVERYTHING about Mexico is different; the people, the culture, the language, the food, the buses, the grocery stores, the music, the social interactions, etc, etc. I come to these countries and I throw myself 10000% out of my comfort zone and then I spend the next X number of months fighting against the immense challenge this change is to me. My time abroad is inescapably a wide array of emotions. (Who am I kidding? My LIFE is a wide array of emotions.) Sometimes I do really well and I have a blast and I laugh and experience and learn and grow. Sometimes I just suck at it and I cry like a little baby for my mom... literally. Haha!

I miss my family and the comfort of a mother’s or sister’s hug. I long for my friends and for the peaceful feeling of walking into a room and feeling completely comfortable because I know I am surrounded by friends who love and support me. I miss people understanding me! Stupid language.... I love the language, I just miss that I can’t express my personality to the same degree in Spanish and I sometimes end up coming across a little bit dull.

So, I slip back into my habits to dull the change for a little bit until I am back on top of my game. I eat Canadian food, I listen to Dan Mangan’s CD (yet again), and I reminisce about home. The point is that sometimes it sucks being abroad. But, if I could rewind time and do this whole semester all over again, would I change anything? Nope, not at all, because although it sometimes sucks being abroad, the vast majority of the time is freaking awesome. If I did it all over again, I would still be here in Mexico. I would still live with a roommate who is 100% opposite of me. I would still abandon all comfort and throw myself into this situation where I can grow and salsa dance and eat tacos while speaking Spanish. I know without a doubt that at the end of it all, I will come home and I look back and I will be immeasurably glad that I abandoned everything that I cling to for comfort to have this experience. I will be better for it.

Thank heavens for the bitter to make the sweet that much more delicious!